Something new happened today: I cried at the office.
Not in front of everyone mind, just my boss. Trust me, that's humiliating enough.
Not in front of everyone mind, just my boss. Trust me, that's humiliating enough.
Strangely enough, it's not because he abused me, or scolded me (although he started off rather angrily).
It was because I had (pardon the profanity) fucked up, and he was giving me a second chance.
The truth is I lack discipline and dedication to the law, and it shows in the way I turn up late for work, or how I book a long holiday in advance in the month of August without informing him before hand (and it doesn't help that we're shifting out before the end of the month i.e. extra work).
Nor does it help, as you astutely noted when I worked at the LAB, that I am an inefficient worker.
It was because I had (pardon the profanity) fucked up, and he was giving me a second chance.
The truth is I lack discipline and dedication to the law, and it shows in the way I turn up late for work, or how I book a long holiday in advance in the month of August without informing him before hand (and it doesn't help that we're shifting out before the end of the month i.e. extra work).
Nor does it help, as you astutely noted when I worked at the LAB, that I am an inefficient worker.
If people think making someone angry is bad, they should try disappointing someone who has treated you with nothing but kindness, patience, and respect; it's probably 10 times worse.
So I cancelled my trip for tomorrow.
I don't see it as a sacrifice. Nothing as grand as all that. The simple truth is that there's work to be done, and no time for a break right now. Not yet anyway.
Sometimes, when I tell people my life and the "uncertainties" e.g. no call break, no fixed amount of leave, variable income according to how much work we bill, they think I'm being abused.
Truth is, I like it better this way. I would like to believe it's no Stockholm syndrome, or misguided self-aggrandisement - simply the acceptance of a non-salaried lifestyle.
And today, when I decided I would work through the holidays to finish what needs to be done, is hopefully, the day when I decide to be a lawyer.
I'm not sure if I won't relapse again. Some mistakes are so ingrained, you end up making them a few times before you train yourself to stop.
But in a sense, owning up to your shortfalls, and taking the first mental step to what is really a lifelong commitment, is simultaneously scary and liberating.
Time will tell what will become of me.
Yours sincerely,
So I cancelled my trip for tomorrow.
I don't see it as a sacrifice. Nothing as grand as all that. The simple truth is that there's work to be done, and no time for a break right now. Not yet anyway.
Sometimes, when I tell people my life and the "uncertainties" e.g. no call break, no fixed amount of leave, variable income according to how much work we bill, they think I'm being abused.
Truth is, I like it better this way. I would like to believe it's no Stockholm syndrome, or misguided self-aggrandisement - simply the acceptance of a non-salaried lifestyle.
And today, when I decided I would work through the holidays to finish what needs to be done, is hopefully, the day when I decide to be a lawyer.
I'm not sure if I won't relapse again. Some mistakes are so ingrained, you end up making them a few times before you train yourself to stop.
But in a sense, owning up to your shortfalls, and taking the first mental step to what is really a lifelong commitment, is simultaneously scary and liberating.
Time will tell what will become of me.
Yours sincerely,
24 and still learning
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